I am having a hard time getting started today. I woke up to feed the cats and fell back asleep only have one of those weird dreams where you visit a place you’ve dreamed about before, in the middle of a plot you’ve dreamt before. This one was some weird house that is “my house” in this dream and there are a number of family/family friends there which just make the whole thing more inexplicable and there is also this huge bear trying to get my truck. And I’m trying to hide and also interact with the people and not let them down (about what, it’s never clear) and I can’t even figure out where my truck is and its just so stressful and weird and then I wake up for real and am SO CONFUSED. I don’t expect dreams to be real, ever, but it’s so weird when I am so emotionally caught up in what is happening that I get seriously concerned about the location of a truck I don’t even own — like I wake up still puzzling over what I could have done with the truck. Which is apparently going to be driven away by some rampaging man/bear. So, anyway, that was weird.
Then I realized I don’t have any half and half on hand to add to my coffee which immediately sends my bad mood into a deeper spiral. And, yes, I know I am a special snowflake, but I really don’t like milk in my coffee and I have spent the past hour and a half feeling like a martyr for drinking coffee with 2% milk.
I bought two half bushel boxes of peaches yesterday and want to start processing them today. This means that I really need to declutter parts of my kitchen, first, which just annoys me all over again. I like to blame my kitchen for being too small, sometimes, but in fact I really like the size of my kitchen and know that if I had a bigger kitchen I would just have a bigger mess. Really, I am trying to get out of having to be annoyed with myself and it’s just not possible.
I wish that I had bread to make toast but I didn’t make any last week and keep putting off making more. So that is just a cycle of irritation that will continue until I get over myself. And it takes almost no time to make bread!!! It’s not hard and I like to do it.
There are a thousand other things that are irritating me this morning. Really, what I’d like to do is pack myself up into a punching bag and let myself have a round.
I’m not mad at my husband or cats but snap at them anyway because I am in a truly foul mood. So I’ve decided to not open my mouth.
I need to figure out a happifying routine and implement ASAP.